Last week on FB I began a series of personal videos and posts documenting my journey through the testing process of potential cancer. I have been told that I am bold. I really don’t shy away from personal expression. What I am finding is that some don’t like it. Others are amazed at my process and personal views thus far.
As an Author, to me this is just part of my creative process at work. For me spirituality, I get to engage and hopefully get across that through such a difficult time, prayer and praise go hand in hand to God for strength to continue. On the posts and videos those that ‘get it’ are fearless in their prayers and comments. On messenger, the more reserved have asked me their questions. Overall, my boldness has been met with acceptance and loving kindness. Thank you, everyone.
Some that had no idea this is what I’m going through are silently shocked. That’s well, also.
For me, I find myself crying one minute and smiling the next. I am doing my best to pray and praise. But, there are days I get down right mad all over again. Not only am I dealing with my possible health crisis, I have my daughter with her issues. As well as I remain the sole caregiver over Momma. In telling my siblings the new hitch to the gitty-up, I get nothing. No offer of physical help of themselves. They sound distanced and callous. Now, THAT hurt me. The input of “Is Ari still having those fits? You know, Momma don’t need to be round that mess.” is the only thing I get. Again, no offer of assistance or positive solution. Hmmmm. Hold thy peace, Alicia.
In my obedient expressions, I close my eyes and pray. Listening to gospel music, I lift my ands and praise God. Reflecting, I seem to remember vividly another one close to me doing the very same thing. Momma. Thank you, Father for sweetly speaking to my heart on what is pleasing in thy eyes. A haughty countenance you will abhor. But a broken and contrite spirit will you honor. I know the Physicians, Specialists and Surgeons are doing their best. My Lord, my faith lays in you. For Master, you created these same Physicians, Specialists and Surgeons. You created them and know their next thought and test they have reserved for me. My trust is in you, my God. With the joined prayers of your warriors lifted hearts, I receive your report of life and no cancer. You are molding my mind. My heart. My eyes seek you for all of my needs. Cover me with every breath and step I take. May the roads I walk all lead to thee.
So again, if I listen to those with alot of opinion and no assistance. I would be ever wanting and in misery. But you saw better for me. To patiently work me until I chose within my heart to seek your divine peace and protection. Open my heart, Lord, I am so ready to receive what you need me to and be. Create in me a clean heart, so I may serve thee. Wash me and I shall be whiter than snow. For MY BENEFIT AND YOUR GLORY. So ready am I. Prepare my mind. My soul. ME! I want nothing if it is not of you, Master. I m nothing without you, my God. I love you. With all that I am, Lord, I love thee.
‘The Journey’ continues…