This Mother’s Road 

I have told you before that I write about what I know. How do I know it? I’ve been through it. It is with my testimonies that others gain strength and realize that God answers prayers, accepts our praise and stands by with His might for our battles.

As a Parent we don’t want to see our child in the hospital. With my teen daughter, last September we were given the diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder. The Doctor was so cruel and curt with us, on her way out she said “And she doesn’t need our services.” Back up, rewind! With ASD, these children are highly gifted in areas of Art, Science and Math. On the down side, they don’t give eye contact, have extreme anxiety, prone to violent tantrums, do not transition from one situation to the next, poor socialization and say things with no empathy. They cannot help it. It is a brain chemical imbalance. They don’t out grow it. With medication and therapy these children have a much positive outlook and CAN succeed in life.

Enter the Dragon. Over the last month’s since September, I have taken my teen to a therapist who didn’t spend the entire time with us-5 to 10 minutes instead of the total 30. His support was a website he referred me to. REALLY!

ON MY KNEES I FELL. With my daughters tantrums becoming increasingly violent with me (in our home is also my 94 year old Mother.), I began to search for resources and delve into what my daughter has. My cry was “How can this go undiagnosed for 16 years, Lord?” I had asked her Doctor when she was 8 if my child had Autism. The Doctor brushed it off, “Aww, no your daughter doesn’t have Autism!” That doctor today won’t speak to me or will the diagnostic Doctor. Go figure!

Before, the end of the last school year I called SASS services for my daughter. We discussed Partital Hospitalization Participation. She finally began services in June. From 9am to 3pm. She has a therapist and a psychiatrist. She was doing well. No medication had been administered at that time. My concern was that she would pick up the behaviors of some of the other teens in the program. Well, as these teens sat in group they shared their issues. My daughter heard and saw behavior she never knew existed.

We had weekly family sessions where the treatment team discussed her progress and issues to work on. She was learning coping skills for her anger management. One skill was they have a padded room and the teens go in and hit the walls. I distinctly told them she is not allowed there, because she does that at home. I won’t have you putting the seal of approval on this behavior. Redirect her to another skill. They did.

Well, one day she came home from day treatment and went directly upstairs without speaking to Mom or myself. I knew then it wasn’t going to be pretty. Upon talking to her, she became VERBALLY ABUSIVE. I called her therapist and had her on speaker. This outburst was a result of her therapist giving her homework which over the weekend she chose not to finish. I have been vigilant in telling my daughter that every choice we make has consequences to them. That’s why you’re in PHP now. After hanging up with the therapist, my daughter’s behavior turned for the worst. She went downstairs and pulled a knife on me. After telling her calmly to put the knife down, she began screaming “Let me alone!” Ok, I realized my child needs help. The next morning, her therapist called me and I told her about the knife she pulled on me. We booth agreed on inpatient Hospitalization that same day. She was in there for 9 days. She completed all of her goals, was diagnosed with DMDD, Disruptive Mood Disregulation Disorder. My child was sick. She learned other coping skills and 2 added medications.

She has been home for a week now. She is relying on her coping skills. She is able to verbalize so much better and we have our Mother and Daughter time. She knows her triggers and is able to adjust her behavioral response productively. It’s not an overnight fix. I have responsibilities as well. We are not a house in crisis. We are a home seeking God’s will and His face in all of our situations.

Many times, we just rely on Gods intervention. We cannot deny that His intervention comes through man who has the God given ability. As the saying states “GOD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS.”

Do I harbor resentment for the Medical individuals who just tossed us to the side? NO, because the battle is not mine, it’s the Lord’s. All the way through this trial, I confessed God’s will was already done. Yes, it was.

Being at the end of my rope dealing with man, I learned to Trust in God without wavering. Declaring it was already done. From Glory to Glory. From Faith to Greater Faith is what we have gone through. My daughter is sick. My faith in an Almighty God who is mightier than those I encountered to no avail and opening doors no man can close is my testimony and my daughter’s as well. God is faithful. He will never leave you alone nor forsake you. It is better to put your trust in God than princes. Ask whatever you will, in the name of Jesus and it shall be given unto you. Teach your child in the way he should go. They may stray, but shall return. God’s promises are real, parents. Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, lean not to thy own understanding and He shall direct thy path.

My whole point, whatever the situation, don’t look to man. Look to the God of God’s who created man. He is able to do exceedingly abundantly more than our minds can conceive. Never forget that it is God Almighty who sits upon the Holy Throne. In the words of Haagar, “YOU ARE THE GOD WHO SEES ME.”

Remain blessed.


Alicia G Gilliam

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